dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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