my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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