found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
