After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
