Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
