the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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