Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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