So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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