Can i not drive my cunt home
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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