Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
