i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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