First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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