Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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