i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
did you just send me my own nude
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
