i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
