we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
