Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Never joke about your clitoris.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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