Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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