do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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