he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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