Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
