i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
