she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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