i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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