I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mom said you looked used
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
