twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
