I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
