Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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