how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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