dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
