you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
