its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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