My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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