Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
