I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
