We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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