Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
50% drunk capacity currently
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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