it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
