i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
