I only kidnapped one of them. chill
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
