Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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