I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
