I think im going to throw up on grandma
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
