theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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