A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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