Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
