and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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