the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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