i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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