Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
