...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
