Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
