i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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