If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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