I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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