Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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