the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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