38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
