mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
did you just send me my own nude
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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