and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
