I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
