bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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