That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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