please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
