Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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