I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
