Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love having hate sex.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
